my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
