whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he puts the penis in happiness.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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