I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
