Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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