im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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