i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
