He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
