I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
