You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
