he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
