i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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