god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
