Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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