I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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