we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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