I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
