i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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