I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
