i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize