I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
