Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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