So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
