Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
