Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
