i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
