Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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