I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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