i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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