I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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