he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
