I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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