So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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