and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize