I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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