need another drink. this is the easiest way
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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