I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
