you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
