What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
