well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
