Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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