so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
