PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
