i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
