i wish semen tasted like chocolate
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
