seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
