Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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