He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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