We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
