How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize