I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
