There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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