When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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