i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
