I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
