My hair reeks of homosexuality.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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