Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
