remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
