I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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