Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
