In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
