We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
