so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
