The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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