I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
