Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
