Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
