The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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