Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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