yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
