Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
